While being in love feels so epic, falling in love can also be traumatic. The first three months or so are anxiety producing, I am prone to one track mindedness, constantly sorting through conversations, tone, laughs, questioning feelings, re-living moments of joy, anxiety, kisses, love… My days are full of thoughts of him, his features imprinted upon my brain, heart; nights full of dreams of him. When I am with him I am ever focused on his every need or desire. I often stay awake to watch him sleep, never wanting to miss a moment with him. I anguish over losing him. Miss him when he’s not with me. Worry over whether I ought to keep my ringer on when awake, whether to bring my cell with me wherever I go, then become upset if he doesn’t call. I wonder how I ever got by the last time I was in love, when I didn’t have a cellphone! I listen to love songs, ascribing every emotion I am feeling to the song, every chord, applying them to the depths of my love for him. In short, my every moment and thoughts are filled with him.
I’ve only been in love twice now. I’ve been in a handful of long-term relationships, which to me seems like a lot. But I’ve only fought to be with another person, and stay with that person throughout the years, twice. I have loved, but that is different. I never fell in love so completely as I have with them.
Maybe if I could bypass all that insecurity and anxiety, I would, but falling in love is so awesome to experience. When I love someone like this, I would do just about anything for them. The other day, I found myself wishing I didn’t have to feel it. Yet today I find myself with a different perspective. Love truly is what makes the world go round. I would never want to miss the beginning of the ride! ❤