Homeless in Hawaii
Do any of you care?
Those who are on the streets in Hawaii
There are many families…
You tuck your babies in at night…
Knowing they’ll be alright…
Checking the closet and under the bed for monsters there
Stilling their fright.
What of the babies with no beds for the night?
What of real-life monsters?
You don’t understand, how can you?
You’ve never had to walk in their shoe…
But maybe there is something…
You can collectively do.
You blame the drunk and addict with ease…
Have you forgotten, addiction is a mental dis-ease?
I know it makes you uncomfortable to see…
What some of you’ve got hidden on your family tree…
Disregard the sins of society…
Homelessness is a social malady.
Preventable by the few, ignored by the many.
Billions of dollars go up in smoke,
That wasteful rail project?
Is it worth going broke?
We can’t even feed, clothe and house our Ohanas.
What a joke.
One day we shall all be called to account.
Is this the reward on the wall you will mount?
You told me you would come to find me
But I never forgot thee
You always lived in my memory.
We both met other people
Fell in love
But those loves,
They fell apart
You were always deep
In my simple heart.
I had an opportunity
To come home for once
I saw you
& fell once more
Yet I was afraid
Because of all that was being said.
You said once, “don’t marry that man.”
I said, “he gives me something you never can.”
I never once forgot you, however.
And for the future could not, no matter how I endeavored.
Despite the past
And pondering whether we would even last
I sought you.
And darned if it wasn’t a two-way street
We touched each other’s souls
Whenever we would meet
Never any deceit.
Now I see
How much I truly meant
And how far back affection really goes
I didn’t realize…
That our hearts had crashed long ago…
There’s significance in you.
You are the one I need
Oh M, you are to me,
What he should have been
But things happen the way they do.
And sometimes you have a soulmate or two…
Before you find someone who is Real.
I love you.
I’ve been working on a garden for a while now, and battling bugs. After doing research, I learned about spraying the plants with a yeast, sugar and water mixture as well as using little containers with water and rocks in them for homes and water to drink for good bugs. Now waiting for ladybugs and preying mantis to come! Here, I had a visitor of the reptilian variety- a madagascar red gecko, who happily lapped up the sugar mixture.
I feel like I had fortune on my side this weekend. Everything that happened seemed to happen for a reason and all of it was good. Last week I was feeling so awful about everything in my life, lonely, sad, missing him… I changed my phone number, adjusted my expectations and direction in my life, stopped saying, “No, I can’t,” and my how things worked out.
As most of you know, I’ve got a daughter in Upstate New York whom I haven’t seen in 2.5 years. I miss her dearly and have been trying to figure out how to go about getting there. The fact that it is nearly impossible to save money has hindered me in this endeavor. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing ground with her and need to just get there. There are also several other reasons for going, the top being that I don’t see myself having a successful career here, I want to broaden my horizons further by possibly studying linguistics in the future, and I also want to eventually travel. Sure, I could travel from Hawaii, but not if the career doesn’t pan out first. I was researching linguistics the other day and really found myself intrigued by it- I’ve always been fascinated with words (hence the English degree) and the way they came about, come to be pronounced, their sounds and the feelings that they invoke, are all very exciting to me. This topic is very intellectually stimulating to me. I do consider myself an intellectual.
After the heartache of last week, I just said screw it and began listing my belongings on Craigslist. I’ve already sold a couple things. I know this will be a slow process, but I have faith. I suppose that was all that I was lacking. I know that it will not be easy, but I will get there, I will have my daughter in my life, good career, etc. I want more than this little island can offer. I have so many memories of the places I’ve been to and I want to see them again as I am now. There is so much beauty in existence in this world and we should not seek to limit ourselves to one place necessarily.
Then he contacted me and we talked about what happened, why things were said the way they were said… I knew he was scared so it was no surprise to hear him say it. I’ve been through a divorce and so has he so it’s only natural to be hesitant about allowing someone in. I’m vulnerable in that regard as well. It was truly elating to hear from him, to have him speak his mind and to spend a couple days with him. Yes I love him, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I care about him and do not want to push him away or make him feel his independence is threatened. We have such a wonderful time with each other, it’s like two souls meeting after being lost for many years. I find myself constantly stimulated around him, mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well as in other ways. He makes me feel safe and happy. That is all.
I am still moving forward with my plans to move. I have to put my daughter first. I will not continue to make excuses as to why I cannot go. I must go. I will always love him, however.