Spun Like Cotton Candy

You just turned around and walked away,
And my mind spun like cotton candy,
Hearing the words of yesterday,
My heart broke just a little bit more,
And it became a
A lot more torn.
The tears that arose, from these blue eyes,
Have long since tired of everyone’s lies.
Of all insincere gestures and long goodbyes.
Once patient, this heart is weary of worn out words…
Please, tell me really…
Why did you leave?
I needed you.

Homeless In Hawaii

Homeless in Hawaii

Do any of you care?
Those who are on the streets in Hawaii
There are many families…
You tuck your babies in at night…
Knowing they’ll be alright…
Checking the closet and under the bed for monsters there
Stilling their fright.
What of the babies with no beds for the night?
What of real-life monsters?

You don’t understand, how can you?
You’ve never had to walk in their shoe…
But maybe there is something…
You can collectively do.
Speak up!

You blame the drunk and addict with ease…
Have you forgotten, addiction is a mental dis-ease?
I know it makes you uncomfortable to see…
What some of you’ve got hidden on your family tree…

Disregard the sins of society…
Homelessness is a social malady.
Preventable by the few, ignored by the many.

Billions of dollars go up in smoke,
That wasteful rail project?
Is it worth going broke?
We can’t even feed, clothe and house our Ohanas.
What a joke.

One day we shall all be called to account.
Is this the reward on the wall you will mount?

Love is not here.

Why insist on making small talk?

It is so pained,

A soliloquy less strained.

Why can’t we all just be real?

Trust or lack thereof.

Sad the way our world has become.

No sooner do we learn to love,

Our hearts are often torn asunder.

It is no wonder,

We resort to pillage and plunder.

Our dying world beseeches us to proceed with care yet many still carry on without one.

The tree that stood with such pride now wears a crooked smile,

Its barren branches stirring little in a cold starless night,

The moon winking out of existence,

Broken beyond repair.

How will the rest of us fare?

When three little words, “I, Love, You,” are so hard to say,

Break me, make me, forsake me,

Take me.

Never.

Love is not here.

Dear M

I miss you, but will telling you that change anything? When you told me you were leaving, your face tight with distaste, I felt my dismay quickly turn to anger. Why were you really leaving? Old suspicions… Whispers… He doesn’t care… Using you. No love is there.

Snap.

Then the yelling.

I am sorry.

But it is evil.

Rage.

In ME.

Irony.

I’m sorry baby.

You’re running, running, you’re running away again.

Silence, my only companion.

“Carpe diem!,” you say.

No tomorrow, no yesterday…

No grief?

No love?

I feel the most awful fear,

O Death, Impale me now with thy sharp spear.

Honolulu Visit to Doctor

I went to Honolulu yesterday to see my doctor. As is usual these days, long trips make me physically ill. The last time I went was in December and I picked up the flu virus at Queen’s Medical Center and was sick for days following my trip. When my primary doctor told me I would need to go again, I cringed. She doesn’t know what these trips do to me. I do. I understand the necessity for them, however.

When my plane landed I decided I’d buy some postcards to send to my daughter in NY, so she could see what Waikiki and Honolulu looked like. I knew my opportunities for taking pictures would be limited, as I would not be driving myself around the city. I had about five minutes to do this before my medical transport driver called looking for me.

I arrived about two hours early at Queen’s, so I walked around for a few blocks and took some pictures of the area. I don’t really know Honolulu but after asking questions I discovered I was across the street from the State Capitol. I thought the facade of the building looked similar to SUNY Albany’s exterior.

I was out of breath and felt like a brick had been placed on my chest by the time I arrived back at Queen’s 45 minutes later for my appointment. I was also faint and depending on whether I stood or sat, my breathing became worse or better. My doctor came in and we talked. I told him how I was feeling lately and how I felt just then, about recent symptoms. He told me he wants me to see a heart specialist because he’s concerned that a simple 45 minute walk would have such an affect on me. So I will be going back to Queen’s sooner than I thought.

I returned to the airport and was out of breath and out of sorts, in pain and exhausted. By the time I arrived home, I was beyond tired and worried about my health. There are a few things I need to change in my life, and some seem to be insurmountable. I hope I can do them because I am too young to have a heart attack. I would appreciate any and all prayers.