Don’t Ever Wanna Miss You

Still can hardly endeavor to believe
You’re right here beside me
Smilin and holding me close
I wanna fold you into forever

Dreamt of you through my tears
All those years
Something about you
Heals what’s broken in me

No longer standing still
I love and I feel
You and me, we are real
Don’t ever wanna miss you…

Stay

Unspoken words hang still in the air

The breath catches in my throat

Life, it seems, is never fair

Like a silent movie, it plays out til the bitter end

Regardless of dreams, wishes and cares

 

Emotions broil near the surface

Time… running into turmoil

Why is life such a complicated mess?

Can’t we just hold each other into the night?

 

I just love you and Love is worth the fight

I want you to stay and never take flight

Love me, my soul, all in due time

We are worth the climb.

The Hunt

In a state of ecstacy
I succumb to your will
Oh you’ve taken a hold of me
Beguile me all the while
Dip your fingers, soft as a petal-sweet pomegranate

Chorus
I’ve fallen, my love, oh lover you make me weak
And it’s your body on fire I do seek
Your heart, oh baby, your heart I already keep

The pleasure so surreal you ignite me
Like a lusty stag on the hunt
Your horns taut and ready
Alert you catch my scent
I cry out like a doe falling
Youthful vigor, invites, incites
Piercing like a sharp steel blade
How our love was made

Chorus

I’ve fallen, my love, oh lover you make me weak
And it’s your body on fire I do seek
Your heart baby, oh baby, your heart I already keep

Clutching your shoulders I die a little death
I cry out, beseeching, love me, my soul
For you, I am speechless, I lose my breath
I have never felt so whole
Undulating, whispers, spoken yesteryear
Your love I will not forego
Motivates me, create, my muse you make
Trailing stars erupting with magma in the magenta sky

Chorus

I’ve fallen, my love, oh lover you make me weak
And it’s your body on fire I do seek
Your heart baby, oh baby, your heart I already keep

I’ve fallen… on fire… oh oh ohhh…

A Butterfly Transformed

You can speak in ten thousand rhymes

Say he’s no good for me

But you don’t know him

No matter how I plea

You won’t open your eyes and see

How it is with him and me

 

As the sun and sky meet the mighty sea

A loft upon clouds of majesty

He holds off the night’s storm

Wow you see why I was torn?

 

All I ever was

Turned upside down

In his warm gaze, thaws…

There’s no chill here

No cold embrace

 

Just love when In doubt

A laugh and a shout

Turning me about

Read it out loud.

 

I am beautiful, I am formed

Like a butterfly transformed.

Waxing poetic in the rain

I will never be the same.

This heady feeling does complete me

I don’t care if it isn’t seemly.

Ladies: What’s in your bra?

I have seen this time and time again. A friend of mine will stash her cellphone, money, or other personal item in her bra and then nonchalantly go about her regular activities as if she didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. I would stand there and kind of stare for a few seconds, wondering how it could stay in place, what if she lost her money, imagining all sorts of scenarios that don’t go with boobs and bras and things stuffed inside them.

I mean, sure, I’ve done it. What woman hasn’t? But sticking a few dollar bills in there to go to a convenience store is a far cry from sticking an entire cellphone, house keys, and wad of bills in there! I look down at my bra as I type this. Nope, my Android wouldn’t even fit! I can picture my Kyocera Hydro falling out of the bottom of my bra, crashing to the pavement and shattering. I read just now that a gal had a $50 bill in her bra and she forgot it was there. What?!? My sensitive skin would be screaming at me, “Attention, get Ulysses S. Grant out of here, now, before we break out in a rash!” I would feel every centimeter of that paper as it scraped against my delicate cells.

I suppose I don’t need to do this, because I always carry a purse with me. I would be lost without my purse. My purse is my best friend. I go nowhere without it. When my purse breathes its last breath, I mourn. I recently crocheted a beautiful purse. It’s very colorful and bright. And big. Much bigger than the biggest bra. 😉

Tell me what you hide in your bra. What are people’s reactions? What’s the biggest item you’ve put in there? Why do you do it?

Please leave your comments below. They have to go through moderation because of all the bots that constantly try to post here, but I do check and approve comments daily. Thanks for reading. 🙂

The One Who Got Away

Today was the day! After so long, I would finally lay eyes on the person I wanted to see the most. I thought of all the things I wanted to say and do, scanning my brain for anything I’d left out. I was very nervous. It had been three years since I’d laid eyes on him, and there were so many things that could go wrong.

I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower, pulling a scrunchie from my tangled blonde hair on the way. I examined my tanned face in the mirror, satisfied with the reflection peering back at me.  Too many freckles, though, I sighed to myself.

The shower nozzle spat hot water out of it and I bolted away in surprise. No matter how many times it happened, it always shocked me. I adjusted the temperature a bit until I was satisfied, then shampooed and conditioned my hair, washed up really well and shaved. Once rinsed, I stepped out and yanked a furry pink towel from the bar in the bathroom, sniffing it first.

“Mmm, clean,” I said, smelling the fresh Bounce scent, which is the only Fabric softener I will use.

I toweled off my hair and brushed it out as best I could, then hung the towel back up, never one to let towels sit around the house. Then I walked back to my bedroom and yanked open the bottom drawer of my dresser, grabbing a few pairs of shorts. I settled on a pair I hadn’t been able to wear in a few years. They were tight but they fit, and I was very happy with that fact. Then I opened the top drawer and found a nice white bra that I just purchased, and a brand new pair of underwear. I just needed a shirt. I found that in the third drawer down. It was black and green and had a bamboo style print on it, it was lacy on the edges and classy. I thought it looked really nice on me and made my eyes, which were blue, stand out.

Back in the bathroom, I took out my small bag of makeup and started applying eyeliner, lipstick and eyeshadow. Then I added some blush and mascara. I wasn’t one to ever go too heavy, but I liked a little color, and today was a special today. Today, I’d finally be able to talk to him. To the ‘one who got away.’

I think everybody has had someone like that in their life. You know: the one who moved away before you could see where things would go, or you weren’t available, or you moved away, etc. Well, I had one. A few weeks ago I told him I had feelings for him still. Now he was coming down to talk to me.

I reached under the sink for my hair dryer, plugged it in and started drying my hair. After a few minutes, I was done. Ready. I went into the living room of my apartment and snatched up my cellphone. On it were several text messages. I opened them. My anxiety heightened a bit. Okay, I can still deal with this. I take a deep breath. As long as he’s still coming down, that’s all that matters…

It all went so horribly wrong.

****

This is a part of a true story, so I won’t be elaborating for now. Maybe someday…

Monday Musings: The tropes that trouble me

Monday Musings: The tropes that trouble me.

I agree with Mr. Bury. Too many authors attempt to emulate Tolkien and Lewis. The thing is, a good writer ought to be able to create their own world and pull it off. A good story is not dependent on someone being able to recognize a world in which a reader finds oneself in. The best stories I’ve ever read were just that because no one had ever written about it yet. For example, Lewis’ Space Trilogy. The first two books in this trilogy are about man visiting planets never before touched by humans. I fell in love with Perelandra, the drifting islands, the descriptions of the fruit, the innocence of the inhabitants. It was this originality that made it so unique. Had Lewis written a novel about something that took place in, say, Arthur’s Briton, sure, I would have liked it, but probably not as much. Perelandra remains one of the best novels ever written, in my book. Not because Lewis wrote it, but because he took the time to create an entirely different world no one else had ever created.

So instead of creating a fantasy novel set in Britain or the UK, delve deep into your imagination and create something truly unique. I am working on doing just that right now. 🙂 Happy writing!

We Died Standing Still

I think of you and me and how we died standing still.

I was alone,

How could you not feel?

There were moments you would just stare,

As I stood in the pouring rain,

I never before felt such lack of care.

When I was sinking,

Down into the depths.

What could you have possibly been thinking?

You wore a path so sore,

You ripped and you tore,

Hid from me.

Smoking your cigarettes.

Selfish intent.

I thought I held your love yet it was only jealous respect.

My heart bled.

Now in retrospect,

Love I reject.

Loneliest Person in the World

With all the ways to communicate in this world, I am the loneliest person in the world. As I sit here listening to a beautiful version of John Legend’s All of Me with Lindsey Stirling, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwsYvBYZcx4, my heart feels broken. The violin pulls at my heartstrings and tugs tears from my eyes. I never envisioned my life to wind up like this. I always imagined I’d have a happy ending. College, career, love, marriage, kids… I never thought I’d end up a 42 year old divorcee living alone after my sons became adults, having to live away from my daughter during the most important years of her life.
In this world, we have Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Google+, Blogs, cellphones, texting. All designed to stay in touch with the people who are important to us, and to meet people with similar interests to us. I do appreciate that they are there. But the one person I want to stay in touch with? Well, it doesn’t matter that I have all of those, because the distance between us is more than miles. It is time, and time cannot be undone. I left. My health made it necessary. I never thought that would drive a wedge between us, between a daughter and her mom. But it has. And I grieve.

 

I have been the most unlucky in love. Over and over again, I have chosen the wrong people. I have failed in relationships or they have let me down. The world has beat me down. I have searched the world over, it seems, for someone I can love… looked high and low. The only one I ever really loved, the only person I gave my whole heart and soul to, the only one I gave the world to, was the worst person in the world for my heart. I always wanted to believe in a soul mate, but I do not any longer. There is no such thing. I don’t believe in fairy tales. There is no ‘prince charming.’ If there ever was, the world ruined him long before I ever got there.

 

I live in isolation. I no longer live in fear, most of the time, but it has taken a toll in my life, in that I don’t have any friends locally. I haven’t made friends with my neighbors, not really. I am really eccentric. The friends I knew back when I was young have long disappeared, like ghosts in the wind. I am the loneliest person in the world. I see other people interact, talk, laugh, and I wonder what that’s like. It wasn’t like this for me on the mainland. I had friends. What happened?

 

I got sober. It became harder to relate. The friends I had, mostly, still drank. My crowd shrank. It had been shrinking anyway, as my ability to control my drinking got out of hand. When I left the mainland, I had one friend left who I still spent time with, someone I could be myself with. She is my best friend. We will always be friends, no matter what.

 

Why can’t I make friends? I have such a hard time trusting people. I am always let down. God never lets me down. But it sure gets lonely down here. I really love the beautiful people who follow my blog and those I follow. I love my family and friends on Facebook. But my life is lonely.

Loss & Renewal

My sister passed away in August 2012 and I went through a great deal because of that and had some trauma happen in my life as well. I’m now recovering, slowly. Losing my sister was unlike any other death I had ever experienced; she was only 18 months older than me and we had shared a closeness that was similar to being twins in our childhood. We were both survivors of abuse at the hands of men, but she seemed to draw inwards whereas I sought help. I will always wonder what could have been if she had reached out a hand for help. I believe she would have flourished. But living with regrets and in the past is not living at all. I have learned that in the last year and a half.
I became very ill after my sister died. I found out I had a large ovarian cyst and almost a year ago went in to have surgery to have it removed. Unbeknownst to me, my doctor called in a general surgeon to remove scar tissue as well. I bled for 7 months straight after the surgery and was very weak, bedridden. The doctor who performed my surgery cut me off, severing our doctor patient relationship after I had called, concerned about the bleeding. I had to move and my car died. I had to wait for months before being able to see another doctor who could help me and by then the bleeding had stopped. I just wanted to know why I had been so sick and bleeding. The answer I received was that I had lost a lot of weight and it had thrown my system and hormones off. That may be the case but it seems odd that it happened to coincide with the surgery. At any rate, I am finally feeling better.
I have recently started to write poetry again and it makes it easier to cope with my emotions about the loss of my sister, being away from my daughter and the trauma I experienced just after my sister died. Some days are still hard and I deal with them as they come. I am still sober and thank God for this. I had always been worried about how I would cope with a death in the family being sober. I found out that while I didn’t cope all that well, I did it sober and that was the most important thing.