Before my sister died, there was a lot of conflict between us because of her addiction. She would mass text and email me and lock up the crappy little phone I had way back then. Most of her rants made little sense, and there were things said between us that were very angry and hurtful.
Then she died, and all that just washed away in grief and guilt. I forgot about those texts and emails for 6 years, until the other day when I was exploring my old Yahoo account and found them.
I was three years sober at the time of her death. But two years sober when the emails were sent. I was very intolerant, unforgiving, ready to attack, swear, shame…
I had a responsibility, as a sober Christian person, to be more loving, not to swear, to pray through my anger. To use a calmer head.
I am not saying that I am perfect now, for I am far from it. But grief and loss have taught me to take a more subtle approach when possible. Yes, absolutely tell an addict that they will die if they go on. But love them. Make sure that they know that there is always HOPE.
Why did I drink? Mostly because of guilt and shame. If we seek to show how forgiving we can be, while also not tolerating the act of addiction, how much easier it would be for an addict to seek treatment. And the phrase “You can’t do it on your own,” is a very true statement. None of us can do this life alone.
I have found my peace with Jesus Christ, He stands firmly behind me in my walk with sobriety. He forgives my past slips and relapses, with His abounding grace. Knowing that He does so makes me desire alcohol less. I would not be here today but for Him. That is agape love.
Tag: sisters
If Love Now Reigned
If Love Now Reigned
You would be here now
If only the world loved one another
Your goodness and grace could have withstood anything
When you went, our hearts cried
The Heavens opened and the floodgates of my eyes broke
Parts of me died
Left behind
If Love Now Reigned
The Light would swallow up the dark
No more heart ache
No missing you
If love now reigned
The word lonely would be obsolete
If love now reigned
We would be complete
Now not healed
Yet no longer broken
I am okay day to day
But I get emotional
Full sore at the mention of your name
The heartache it subsides sometimes
But nothing ever really stops the pain…
If Love Now Reigned
Love would swallow all the hate
No more would we ever have to love in vain…
Never would we hide our tears…
Hide our tears…
If only love now reigned…
For Joni, I love you and miss you, on your 44th birthday. You are sorely missed. Love always, your sister, Violet Yates
The Crack in My Heart
Ever Since I heard those words
You were Gone,
there has been a crack in my heart.
We were, too long
too far,
Apart.
Since we were children,
I held your hand,
you were my best friend.
Sharing secrets, clothes,
playing games,
through the fields we wend.
As teens we went different ways…
It often happens,
Yet still love stays.
Ma soeur, la jumelle, la famille,
(My sister, my twin, my family)
Precious is your memory,
Je vous remercie de nous avoir donné le don de vos filles!
* For my sister, Joni, who passed away in August, 2012 at the age of 41. She is greatly missed.
hawaiianviolet 